Day 2 of D-Blog Week: Letters

Today’s topic is to write a letter:

Letter writing day – Tuesday 5/10: In February the Wego Blog Carnival asked participants to write letters to their condition.  You can write a letter to diabetes if you’d like, but we can also take it one step further.  How about writing a letter to a fictional (or not so fictional) endocrinologist telling the doctor what you love (or not) about them?  How about a letter to a pretend (or again, not so pretend) meter or pump company telling them of the device of your dreams?  Maybe you’d like to write a letter to your child with diabetes.  Or a letter from your adult self to the d-child you were.  Whomever you choose as a recipient, today is the day to tell them what you are feeling.

I thought all day about what I would want to write and who I might write to.  I thought about writing a letter to Andy and Katie in the future, but with their certain type of diabetes, there are so many unknowns that I wouldn’t even begin to be able to conceive how to write that letter.   Instead, I decided I would write a letter to myself at the time of my son’s diagnosis.  If only I could have sent this letter to myself . . .

August 23, 2005

Dear Christy,

You are a strong woman, but you are about to go through one of the hardest trials of your life so just take a breath and read.  Your son is very sick.  You have known this for weeks, months.  You knew something wasn’t right when he was born and it’s been tough for these first few months, but it’s about to get even harder.  You see before your son was even conceived, something was amiss with the genes.  As the doctors rush around and try to figure out what is wrong, you are going to be calm on the outside, but you will be screaming and crying on the inside, and that’s ok.  They don’t know what’s wrong because the obvious is not so obvious due to his young age. 

You see, the doctor is going to tell you that your son has Type 1 Diabetes.  All of the doctors will be astounded because he is only 18 weeks old.  He will be the youngest diabetes diagnosis they have seen at this hospital.  It’s ok.  He will be treated and he will live.  You will have ups and downs.  There will be good days and bad days.  Stay strong.  He needs you to love him.  In about a year, you will learn that this is not really Type 1 Diabetes, but a different kind called Neonatal Diabetes.  Do research.  Find out all you can.  Reach out to others.  There will not be a lot of children like him because it is extremely rare.  But the ones you find will become like an extended family.  However, don’t forget about your own family in the process of reaching out to others.

You will have a daughter who will be born with the same gene mutation.  She will be ok too.  Just remember to love your children.  Not because of the miracle of their uniqueness, but because they are lovely creations of GOD.  God doesn’t make mistakes.  It’s ok if you go through depression and ask God “Why Us?”  It’s a normal part of the grieving process.  Through all of this, you will become closer to God and you will grow into a person that you wouldn’t even recognize now.  Other trials will come that will seem even harder than what you are going through right now. 

Just remember that you are strong. 

You can handle this. 

You will fall apart. 

You will cry.

But you will also laugh.

You will love.

You will be proud.

You will succeed.

And you will learn more than you ever thought you could about conditions that are not even in your vocabulary right now.  Use that knowledge to teach, spread awareness, and even change the circumstances of your children’s lives.

Sent with love from yourself, nearly 6 years in the future.